It has been tough weeks for me, but I believe it is time for me to thank the Good Lord and those who have been praying for me. For the past two weeks, I had two surgeries, and one little cut at a clinic. It has been a pain in my physical bodies as well. I began to think that St Paul really understands my situation when he said that he has a thorn in his flesh, which he asked God to remove three times. But the Lord’s answer was astounding, “my grace is sufficient for you, it is in your weakness that my strength is at its best.” and St Paul said, it is when we are weak that we are strong. St Paul never told anyone what his thorn was. I would love to think that it is the same thorn that I had. It would be fun!
I was diagnosed with a haemorhoid (the blood clot creates lump, to be cool) few years back. It was painful, and the doc gave some medication, and it got better, until about two weeks back. It came back. I went back to the doctor, and he refered me to a specialist this time. And the specialist immediately said I need a surgery, and so I had that surgery two days later. After the surgery, the pain was quite bad, and I needed to take pain killer evryday. When it was time for me to come back to see the doc, he gave me a surprising news. There was a new lump! And he made a cut immediately, cut it and extracted the liquid. It was getting better, but then after three days, I had another pain, when we checked again, there was another lump. I was like “whatttt?” Well to cut the story short, that one made me go for another surgery today.
Well, that was a brief medical record. But to be frank, when I heard the lump grew again, I was tired, I was upset. And I guess in these kinds of moment your thought will wander to God. And in fact I remembered there was time when I was angry with God because of my sickness, and I doubted His love. So I said, not this time my Lord, not this time, I have promised to trust in you no matter what. As I said that I began to pray a verse from the psalm, I couldn’t remember in full, but I knew it in parts.
Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.
I kept on repeating these words, and I guess the Lord gave me strength to face the day. Indeed His Word strengthens me a lot. He helped me to see the love of the people aound me, my family, and my wife. My son even prayed for me. My friends, students, and my colleagues also showed their concern for me. Thanks for all your prayer. It is indeed a wonderful period.
The title of this post was taken from one of the daily reading from Hosea 2:14,
“Therefore, behold, I will allure her, and bring her into the wilderness, and speak tenderly to her.
We all avoid the wilderness in our lives. But maybe, it is not that bad after all. The Israelites found God spoke to them in their journey in the wilderness, Elijah heard the small still voice of God after travelling in the wilderness, and John the Baptist also lived in the wilderness and heard a voice that sent Him to prepare the way for Christ. Maybe it is not that bad after all. Maybe in the wilderness of our lives, we will find God as someone who is close. Maybe in these trials of lives, we will hear his tender voice.
During the pain, sometimes His Words becomes mine, and mine becomes His. And we feel more intimately ever than before. So let me end this short testimony with some of the psalms that I have kept with me through these period.
let Your face shines on us O Lord, and we shall be saved.
let the hearts that seek the Lord rejoice!
Ps. If you are wondering about how’s my situation at this moment of writing, well I’m still recovering. I feel it’s getting better. But I suppose i don’t need to wait until the story ends before writing a testimony. The story will continue, but we can give Him thanks anyway.